Dear lost lover

24 hours ago you boarded a plane to a country I've never been to, where they speak a language that alludes me, to a world I have no access to, for six months without me.

The past 24 hours have been a series of mishaps and hard times. I spent the afternoon stuck in my apartment flitting from bedroom to garden attempting to read. Went shopping to put sheets on a twin size bed, as I can't bear the queen any longer. Angst spent over a seemingly overdraft bank account, only to turn out it was a glitch in an imperfect technical system-- just another piece in the series of unfortunate events that have occurred since you left me on the tarmac, with tears in my eyes. Lets recap--

flushed keys (yes, all of them. car included).
wonky bank account.
no paycheck due to a clerical work error.
and now this...

I got a call from Ben this morning. The horses keep escaping. So he says I have to move Mcleod. I am devastated because I already had it in my mind that without you here, it would be the perfect escape from my reality. So I called Kim see if she could pasture her...the well that would make the pastures is no longer working. I have no place to take Mcleod. In some ways its a weight off my shoulders, but in another I feel like I have failed her.

And so I am stranded, unable to rescue Mcleod, waiting on the kindness of the roommates to come and give me a second set of keys. And I miss you. Not with the ferocity that comes with time, I still have breath in my body and I still feel light about you being there and me here. There is no weight in my heart. But I am suffering from its equal. Emptiness.

I am empty. I'm filling my time farming in Griffin for pennies on the dollar to feed us. Filling empty spaces of daylight with 10 dollar an hour credits toward my food share.

And it is that unbearable lightness, that feeling of empty that hurts so much right now. And I keep missing you--your calls, your emails. And the universe all this time is conspiring against me.

keys. cash. horse.

Be safe. Be well. Enjoy the sunshine and the heat of a new place. And tell me how it feels as soon as you can.

all my love.